Last updated on November 12th, 2020 at 02:19 am
YES you need them! If you don’t set boundaries, people will test you repeatedly. Not that it’s personal to you, it’s just how some people are.
But what are boundaries anyway?
Basically, you enforcing your standards. You have to show people, you’re not to be played with. (Don’t be malicious though).
Setting boundaries help protect your mental, emotional, physical, sexual, and spiritual wellbeing. You create them through verbalizing what your boundaries are and/or physically removing yourself from a situation.
Boundaries are more important now than EVER. People are gaining the confidence to speak up for themselves and leave toxic situations. And so can you!
But sometimes situations are not always black and white.
For you—a boundary might be a dealbreaker and once that line is crossed you want to leave that person alone.
Others want to create boundaries in their relationships that are worth the while. Either way, I’m not mad at you. Create them boundaries!
The truth is, it’s not gonna be easy.
Setting boundaries are hard as heck, awkward, and can make you feel anxious. But guess what? That’s how you know you’re doing it right.
Setting them, aren’t meant to make you comfortable in that moment, but it’s about longevity. Chances are the other person will be uncomfortable too.
But think about how every time your unexpressed boundary gets crossed, you feel discomfort.
So, push yourself past those doubts and think about what your boundaries are.
We all were born with unique minds and our own ideals. I mean, how boring would it be if we all were the same? You have different thoughts and values which are important—try to embrace it. The beautiful thing about life is we are all entitled to our own opinions. No matter what!
Signs you need mental boundaries:
- Your opinions not being respected
- People demeaning your thoughts
- Being silenced for speaking your mind
- A person trying to force their opinion as the right one
Sometimes you encounter people who don’t respect your opinions and demean you. Or people who’ve tried to silence you from speaking your mind. Whatever the case is, you deserve to be heard and appreciated for your individuality. PERIOD.
Help you protect your energy and feelings. Notice how certain people or situations make you feel. Remember, whatever you feel is ALWAYS valid. You can do this by reflecting on who or what makes you feel uncomfortable emotionally.
Signs you need emotional/energetic boundaries:
- If you feel you’re on someone’s emotional rollercoaster
- People have dumped their feelings on you, time after time without asking.
- You are being gaslighted and invalidated.
- Someone assumes how you feel
- Your feelings are disregarded
- When people asks intrusive questions
- You feel drained around someone
Involved your personal space, being touched, or any physical needs you have (eating, sleeping, drinking water, etc).
Signs you need physical boundaries:
- Someone is trying to be close to you, and it’s unwanted
- Someone invades your space
- Being touched, and it’s unwanted
- Your physical needs are being interfered with
Everyone has different wants, and what sex should look or feel like to them. What you are comfortable doing sexually including: your preferences, privacy, consent, and respect. These boundaries are crucial to have and finding a partner(s) who respect them.
Important sexual boundaries to establish:
- Consent (before anything happens).
- Discuss methods of contraception
- What feels good to you
- What you desire
You are allowed to worship God, a higher power, the moon and stars, or a person. Anything! Although someone might not agree with your beliefs, they should still respect that yours differs from theirs.
Signs you need spiritual boundaries:
- Your beliefs are not being respected
- Someone tries to belittle your beliefs
- Being persuaded to believe something different
Now that you are aware of what boundaries are, it’s time to do some reflecting on what yours are specifically. What helps is thinking of 3-5 boundaries you have in each category and writing them down. That way, you are firm in what you believe in.
From there you set healthy boundaries which will make your relationships more fulfilling through mutual respect.
Don’t know where to start??? Check out this workbook that dives deep into what boundaries are, how to set them, and overcoming the challenges that are presented with setting boundaries.
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