Last updated on November 22nd, 2021 at 09:41 am
Okayyyyy, saying falling in love seems a bit dramatic—it was more like falling in like. But, oh, was it so magical to me.
It’s almost as if it was a storyline from a romance movie. We met, and were instantly enamored by each other.
Let’s rewind to where it all started in 2018.
I was on holiday from work, and it was the weekend before I was supposed to head to Bangkok before catching a flight to the US. But I ended up staying in Chiang Mai a bit longer because I was in a funk.
One bored night, I was swiping left left left on Tinder until this gorgeous, melanated, well-traveled guy popped up on my screen. You know my butt was eager as hell to swipe right, and what do you know? It was a match 🥲
Sam* and I continued to text until we fell asleep. We talked about where we traveled to, where we were going next, gave each other recommendations, etc. It was just what I needed at that moment.
Talking to him was like a breath of fresh air, and I hadn’t even met him yet.
Of course, we planned to meet up the next day; it was only right. He was in town for a few days, and I was headed back to the states for Christmas. So I met him at his hostel and the moment I got there, I began feeling all the feels. Heart was beating fast. Palms sweating. Blood rushing to my face.
Ahhh, he was even more beautiful in person, and I couldn’t take it. I felt like the 5 year old me, and didn’t know what to do with myself.
We made some small talk, then took off on our motorbikes to head to the grand canyon. That gave me about 30 minutes to calm my nerves before we talked again.
When we got there, we found a place to sit—both shy, but eager to get to know each other. We talked for hours until both of our guards went down. We talked until we were the last ones in the park and until it was pitch black outside. Time passed by and we didn’t even make it into the water like we were supposed to.
Eventually we had to leave the park, but we were still enraptured by each other’s presence, we so we agreed to go to the Sunday night market.
Strolling down those streets with him felt like it was destiny. I mean, technically, I was supposed to be in Bangkok that night.
He grabbed my hand as we walked and instantly my stomach dropped as if I were on a rollercoaster. This man’s touch was electric.
After we were done at the market, we still didn’t want the night to end. I remember him kissing me under the moonlight sky—I could have sworn I was in love!
It felt rare and special to meet someone like him and I didn’t want our time to end together. Apparently he didn’t too, because he said that he wanted to come back to Chiang Mai to see me.
I thought, maybe he’s just saying this to say this, so I tried not to get my hopes up. But we did spend the rest of the time together before I left. We went on more adventures and laughed until we couldn’t anymore. We trekked up into the mountains and bonded over our love of nature.
Then the night I had to leave, he dropped me off at the bus station and I felt heaviness in my chest.
It didn’t make sense, I just met this man. But honestly, I could see why I felt strong feelings towards him.
Sam and I continued to keep in touch while I was home. He sent me pictures + videos of his travels and facetimed me.
Alexa play ‘You got it bad’
I indeed had it bad for Sam, and so desperately wanted him to come back like he said he would.
Fast forward into the new year and I’m back in Thailand. Sam let’s me know he got his ticket and will see me in about a week 😍
When he arrived I was just as nervous as the first time, if not more. Playing it cool was never my thing. I’m sure my emotions were showing all over my rosy cheeks.
He really came like he said he would, and that meant everything to me.
We spent the next week laughing and sending each other memes.
We drove into the mountains again and explored some temples. I trusted him enough to let him drive up the winding road on my motorbike, but oh was it worth it. To literally and figuratively be way up high.
Our days consisted of more adventures, like him convincing me to jump 30 feet off a cliff into the water. Then us floating in the lake while our skin soaked up the sun rays. As we floated, we talked about any & everything.
After our long days, we found shows to watch together, and he cooked for me. We even had a mini fight. 😂
I loved spending every moment with him.
Not only that, but I found someone who loved travel + adventures just as much as me. We just meshed so well together.
This time when he left, the heaviness in my chest wasn’t as bad because I was grateful for the time we shared. We both got to be a chapter in each other’s books.
Even though this only lasted about a month, falling in
love like abroad was the most extraordinary feeling ever. And he will always have a special place in my heart.
Shana Jahsinta Walters says
It’s a shame this only lasted a month. But beautiful all the same.
To be honest, the last time I felt anything in my heart for a man, as in falling in love or something at least close to it, I was still in my late 20’s. I turned 41 in September.
Sometimes it makes me wonder if I am dead inside. I want to fall in love again for sure. I will never give up on love. But I have been single and celibate for fours and I want this period of my life to be over with. But all the men I met only want sex and I am not down with that. I want a real, committed, loving relationship with a man that I can truly share all of who I am with him. Not just some random dude that only want vagina.
Cultured Kam says
I completely understand! The thing is, and this has been said to me too, that it happens when you least expect it. There are good men out there who will give you what you’re looking for. The world is so abundant and filled with all types of people, so I want you to know that. Even in hard times, you can still get that. Your feelings are valid too.
Shana Jahsinta Walters says
Yes I know there are good men out there. But Lord knows I am just not meeting them. And being indoors most times, its also not helping my case. I am not obsessive looking for love, but it would be nice to just start meeting the kind of men that I at least feel a tiny spark for. I am just not connecting with anyone.
I don’t even have one guy friend. The last guy I was friends with I cut it from my life years ago. We were friends since high school. At the time I got rid of him, he was married to his second wife and his baby was 6 months old. My 14 year long relationship came to an end and my guy friend kept asking me when I was going to be a ready for a relationship.
He asked multiple times. I had to tell him to stop asking cause I had other issues going on in my life at the time and a relationship was just not what I was looking for. Getting my life back on track first was what I was working on. Then he had the nerve to tell me that he wanted me as his girlfriend. It was not the first time he had said it. But I told him multiple times over the years that I did not want him. So he decided to be shady talking about how he is doing things for me that a boyfriend is supposed to do and if his wife found out what was she going to think.
This dude bought me 2 packs of bread and helped me moved from one house in the country side to a house in the town side. In all the years I have known him, it was only now he had done some small things for me. And these are not boyfriend duties, these are things that anybody could do for me. So I told him to get lost. There is more but I trying not to make this comment really long.
Also one of my girlfriends was trying to introduce me to a guy a few weeks ago. Once he realized that I was not going to spread my legs for him after one meeting, he said I was not his type.
He did me a favor to be honest and my friend blocked him so he can’t contact her anymore. All this is to say is that I am just not having luck with the men that I am meeting.